OK, so I used to deliver pizzas when I was 17-18 years old. And there was this heavier set lady named Bernice that always used to come in our pizzeria. She was middle-aged, very straggly looking, she didn’t shower and she smelled pretty bad. But for some reason she would always come in and just hang out and sit there for hours! And everybody that worked there including me used to make fun of her. One time after her and her equally effed up looking friend came in and left, me and one of the other delivery drivers (My good friend Jon) had to arm wrestle to see who was going to clean up their very disgusting mess that was left on the seat after they had exited the pizzeria! I will leave the contents of that mess up to your imagination. Trust me, it is normally something you do not see in a public place. This is just to give you an idea of what kind of people we were dealing with.
So anyway, every time I would walk in the pizzeria, Bernice would look at me, open her arms up and say “JOEY BABY WHEN ARE WE GOING ON A DATE?!?!”. This was as she sat there staring at me and everyone would just egg her on, mess with her, and make things worse. It was an ongoing joke with everybody at the pizzeria. “JOEY BABY WHEN ARE WE GOING ON A DATE!”
So anyway, now I’m going to fast -forward a year and a half. It is funny how things play out sometimes… Oh and trust me… this is about to get really good… So I am hooked on drugs, schizophrenic and hallucinating, almost just killed myself going over 100mph on the highway straight into basically a free fall because I thought I was Jesus and invincible. Now I am in the hospital in the bathroom stall talking to my Dad (who by the way drove 12 hours straight to come and help me). And he said to me “Now Joey, they are going to put you in a straitjacket but everything is ok… it is just for our safety and yours.” Then I remember running out of the bathroom and lunging for my Mom screaming to her “YOU ARE SATAN AND I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!” It was about that time that 5 or so security guards tackled me to the ground, shot me up with sedatives and put me in a straitjacket. So here they are, wheeling me into the mental institution on a stretcher and I am basically talking gibberish to myself. It was then, at the lowest point in my life, that I looked up down the long hallway ahead of me leading to the rubber room they were going to put me in and who was the first person I saw??? It was Bernice!!!!!! She then proceeded to open up her arms and say “JOEY BABY WHEN ARE WE GOING ON A DATE!!!???! I couldn’t believe it!! Her and I, amongst others with similar issues, were now going to be living in this place!!! Things had definitely taken a turn for the ridiculously ironic.
So this just goes to show you… When you are feeling high and mighty with your own life and you feel the need to mess with other people, just remember that life has a funny way of being great one minute and come crashing down the next. A very humbling but necessary type experience that everyone will go through many times in their own life. Humble yourself.
