Could I live this day trapped behind this faceless face, in sadness, you only saw my madness, and you wear this name, deep inside my shame, I have never killed myself the same, dying slowly, is how you know me, we’re always hoping, but never knowing, never knowing, so have you ever lived inside the place, you create, inside, my mind racing, manic thoughts replacing, everything that’s real, trapped in what I feel, you manipulate my fate, my mind is yours to steal, cause I’m dying slowly, it’s how you know me, we’re always hoping, but never knowing, never knowing, I just want this to end, so I will take the blame again, your lie I will defend, as you kill my health again, kill my health again…kill my health, cause I’m dying slowly, it’s how you know me, we’re always hoping, but never knowing, never know, you never know.
If I strive now, could I be just like you, if I knew how, could I corrupt like you, and as hard as I try, to believe in you, tell myself lies, could not deceive like you, and if I could touch certain sounds, would they feel just like you, if I could turn you down, would I still think of you, but it’s way too loud, building my aphasia, aphasia, aphasia, as these days go by I wonder why, it’s so hard to try and comply, as the external fades away, minus day by day, I try to reply and communicate, wait, but in this state I can contemplate, contemplate this sudden ill fate, but now it’s wise, I’ll compromise with my mind and try to use these eyes.
You kill yourself to love, and it’s never what you’re dreaming of, suicide is selfless trust, it makes us feel alive, and do what we must, so I give, I give it a try, please kill my health again, so I can live what you pretend, and begin a love based around its end, as you give me the strength to die again, so I give, I give it a try. I try…
Mental picture frame, she walks 62 steps up to the door and looks to the right 2 times, two equals positive vs. negative, black and white, up and down, right and left, angry and sad, relationships causing friction which creates the energy of her existence, 3 times in this universe the idea of perception of those two elements, actually creates 3 elements making the two opposites exactly the same as each other as a nonexistent space in time divisible by one, she cracks a smile for exactly 2.3 seconds creating yellow and grey atmospheres expanding the space between our thoughts, she reaches her hand out and grabs for mine 5 steps to the left as I look her in the eyes, her eyes are brown, brown… 5 letters, creates five different forms of direction looking into the past, present and future, successfully running program number 2, 18, 15, 23, 14, leaving the possibilities narrowed down to only 4 exact outcomes, she will speak 7 sentences with approximately 88 words as I decode this structure into a possible conclusion, 88 plus 7 equals 95 minutes to solution successfully time charted to 333 spaces leaving her date of birth blank due to her non existence in this time code, she cries at 146 beats per minute, descending down into depression, which is 10 letters divided by the color black equals 6 possible solutions 3 minus 3, broken down into 5 emotions she can possibly feel, mapping out this program from 5 minutes, to 5 hours, to 5 days, to 5 months, to 5 years, sill no results, friction 2 to 3 elements, question equals answer, the world spins around her mind, question, no solution, disappear, saying goodbye and the monotony of sadness, I try to reappear 5 months into program number 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, friction 2 to 3 elements, question equals answer, the world spins around her mind, question, no solution, disappear, reappear, mental picture frame, reflecting on the past and learning how to face the world once again, her world, 6 times over transparent her eyes can see, blue, 4 letters, 4 possible individuals possessing her thoughts, putting her face on everything, mapping out this program from 5 minutes, to 5 hours, to 5 days, to 5 months, to 5 years, still no results, friction 2 to 3 elements, question equals answer, the world spins around her mind, question, no solution, descend into failure confusion and error creating the possibility of a disappearance crossing over into a parallel universe as seen in diagram number 32681 the physical, emotional, and mental effects on the mind body, and spirit, I try to reappear 5 years into program number 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, friction 2 to 3 elements, question equals answer, the world spins around her mind, question, no solution, disappear.
I’ve lost this game of life, I’ll think it through this time, pure solitude is mine, for years and years I try, to disappear, disappear, start this over to try and live again, the days go by they live, as I try and try to forgive, I blame myself this time, it’s better for them if I, disappear, start this over to try and live again, disappear...
