I Am Not A Rockstar

So back in the day and even now I always encounter people that are like, “Man, I’m in a band, so I totally am on a mission to get laid, get wasted, and blow up as many stages as I can! Well, I just want to say right off the bat, it is not about that for me. I am not a pervert, an alcoholic, a druggie, or full of myself.  I do not and will never have that rockstar-type mentality. This is a personal mission for me. Because of my schizophrenia and all of the messed up things I have been through from it, my reasons for doing music run way deeper than the shallowness of a one-night stand, that next high, or thinking that I am entitled to look down on people because I am standing on a stage four feet above them. This is a friend –to- friend relationship. To me there are no “stars” and no “fans”. We are everyday people who share a common bond. I have a lot of inner demons I am trying to conquer and music is therapeutic for me. As I hope it is for you. As much as I appear to have things under control, it is a day- to- day struggle for me to stay sane, well and happy with myself. Music is where I focus all of that manic energy. It is my safe alternative to focusing all of that energy into drugs, alcohol, women, etc.. I am strongly trying to help myself through creating music and in the process, hopefully helping others as well. We are in this together and it is a friend –to- friend relationship. I have experienced a lot trauma in my life by repeatedly making the same mistakes, alienating people around me, not taking care of myself like I should have and it lead me to almost dying on a number of occasions. And back then before I was well, I had no one to turn to. Music was the only thing I was able to find solace in. And now in life, I want to create as much of it as I can and do for others what it has done for me throughout my journey. Music and I share a special bond. You and I share a special bond! So I want to take this moment again to sincerely thank you again for listening and being my friend. It really means the world to me.

Let me just sign off by saying this. I have done a lot of people wrong in my life when I was sick all those years ago. And there are many things I do not like about myself because of it. I am still trying to heal all of that. So, in conclusion, if I do enough good will the rest of my life through music, being a good person, resolving that bad karma, and have the world someday believe that I am a decent guy, maybe one day it will help me believe it myself. So thank you once again for helping me feel OK. I am doing my best. Like I said, it is a personal mission for me. One thing I will never have is a rocktar-type mentality. I am not a rockstar.