We all try to find love, answers to what's above, logic in what we dream of, and when push comes to shove, do we really need it?
Ambitions for life lost and found, feet on and off the ground, friends leave or stick around, and when things die we're bound, to question
Are we here are we there, is this life really fair when you strip it down bare, caught in a focused stare you think, should I really even care
All (of) these things that I say, the music for you that I play I wish there was a different way without sounding so cliché
Cliché… If I may, be cliché
All the signs that you've read, the world spins in your head when you lay down in bed, night is dead morning said, I'll try
All the love that you lost, was it worth what it cost, all the thoughts that you've tossed, aside with the ones
you used to live by
All these words in disguise, where the meaning soon dies, It's the day you realize, all the times that you've tried,
To understand
All (of) these things that I say, the music for you that I play, I wish there was a different way, without sounding so cliché
Cliché…If I may, be cliché


Hangin round in the summertime having fun not a care on my mind got so many things to do it gives me the most time for being with you have a smoke in the bright shine now everything is coming together all these pressures that are on my mind now they’re gone cause it’s summertime June June is everyday and everyday is June to despise June is everyday and everyday is June when she lies June is everyday and everyday is June in disguise June is everyday and everyday is June he replies June I can’t believe that I fell for you June June is everyday and everyday is June when he tries June is everyday and everyday is June when he cries ruined is everyday and everyday is ruined in his eyes June is everyday and everyday is June when he dies June I can’t believe that I fell for you June

Matter of Opinion

Still you are around me again…
Wait this is not over yet…
Why can’t things be different for me…
It’s all a matter of opinion yeah
Why is it my decision now
When can it all be over
Later on where will I be
Now nothing matters you see
See that time is running out on me
Soon I will be standing alone…
It’s all a matter of opinion yeah
Why is it my decision now
When can it all be over
Later on where will I be

Conversation No.1

What will you think when I come take your mind
Throughout this day what would I say
What would you do if I took all your time
Smile if I may as I drift away
No wait
Control yourself
Control myself
So listen
What to think if they saw you through these eyes
They’d hear my cries
See through all their own lies
And maybe realize why I shouldn’t
Control myself
Control yourself
You just need some time
Don’t hold yourself
Unfold yourself
And let me take your mind
Awake your mind
Make up your mind
And break your mind
Throughout this day what would I say
Should I go this way
Should I control myself
Control yourself
Unfold yourself
Then mold yourself
Don’t withhold yourself
Am I below myself
Cause I sold myself
I should have told myself
To control yourself
Control yourself

Matter of Opinion (Reprise)

And now I’m standing here alone, and all my tears I haven’t sewn, all of my friends don’t know how much I cared, misunderstood thoughts I tried to share If there was something left I could try, but answers scatter when I ask why, It’s all a joke mixed in with cries, as the lives flash before these eyes
These Eyes
So go ahead and think what you like about me, but then look me in the eyes and tell me who you see, and now I’m standing here not the same, I’m here but I’m not here change It’s all a matter of opinion, I have to say, why is it my decision I wish it was, and now you’re standing there not the same, from all the time that we shared blame

Humans Being Human Beings

life takes you     you take lives

life makes you     you make lives

life breaks you     you break lives

sides take you     you take sides

sides make you     you make sides

find that way     way that finds

time stands still     still stands time

cry you would     would you cry

binds that truth     truth that binds

die it could     could it die

time that kills     kills that time

why realize     realize why…

and when you wake up to that day and rise up to your down ways take a look it’s times to rough that just stand still when you killed all that was real to watch me fall you just sit and stare

The Breaking Moment

So how about your life day by day runs through your mind night after night see my face in your eyes see yourself my disguise push me out I’ll give you back you’re to dull fucked up and old you try to look human but you’re just a fucked up growth your brain mass is bypassed with the blueprints of a classically trained anomaly so how about this visual deception attacking individual perception multiplied you spread your infection personality interception shattered images of imperfection staring through a broken reflection hypnotized with introspection focused eyes of non expression fade to black it takes us back to scrolling credits of ending ignorance the end of innocence I’d rather see life through the gray than have your black and white create the night of day… I’d rather shatter… I’d rather shatter your image in the frame.

Self Image


 End where he began, try to understand

Gived all he could give, but it gave away

Took all he could take, then it took away

Reassemble shape, only to break away

 End where he began, try to understand

 Never mind, on the other hand

All the time he spent, all went to waste

And he gived it all for free, only to pay his way

 End where he began, try to understand…

 Dream of sleep,  only to awake

 Live upon this land, dead since yesterday

And much as things did change, it just stayed the same way

 End where your human, fitted to disband

 Fear not of these days, but the fear to be afraid


Vital Signs

I question my existence
I question time’s persistence
I question daily coincidence
I question it’s significance
I cut myself to see if I bleed like everybody else
All your thoughts I try to feel
But none of it ever seems to be real
Life must be a dream
Laying on the floor with limited brain activity
Religion seems to be a version of a bedtime story
Set upon embellished rumors of high school imagery
If I woke up tomorrow would I forget it that easily
How do you know that you’re not already dead
How do you know you’re not awake when you sleep in bed
How can you really tell that hell is not this earth
How can you really tell your death from your birth
I cut myself to see if I bleed like everybody else
All your thoughts I try to feel
But none of it ever seems to be real
Life must be a dream
Laying on the floor with limited brain activity
Religion seems to be a version of a bedtime story
Set upon embellished rumors of high school imagery
If I woke up tomorrow would I forget it that easily

Filling in the Blanks

It’s been a long time since I saw you last I remember
the view of you made the background contrast it faded
everything focused eyes on the moment that you made
the last hello I took a snapshot flash saved it in my
(mental picture frame…)
Going through my book I recognize all the times that I
saved you I put them back to back and flip them one by
one a montage has begun with you as everyone memories
of bliss I try to hit but miss delusions scatter this reality
I confuse all the real with everything I feel so
(were we just a dream…)
Were we (just a fragmentation of my imagination…)
It’s been a long time since you saw me before the aftermath
of all the fate that I would contemplate consumed by
all the hate to hate your memory cause I would think
about all the times you were scared scared to see you
gathered up your hate and threw it in my face cause you
were just afraid (just afraid of me…)
Just afraid of things
So I tried to send you a letter in the mail to explain my
nature the years you saw me fall I couldn’t see at all
my mind just built a wall to block reality couldn’t live
the day living sleepless nights trying to find the right
way to go I wish you’d understand that I was dealt
this hand I wish you’d understand
but (you don’t understand…)
You’ll never understand
That our past is (just a fragmentation of my imagination…)
Just a fragmentation of reanimation
Way out of focus…

Reflections of a Love Hate Relationship

Time to face this world

I hate to want you, you want to hate me

You hate to want me, I want to hate you

 You hate to love me, I love to hate you

I hate to love you, you love to hate me

You completely hate your love, loving your hate completes you

I completely love your hate, hating your love completes me

You have to fear me, I fear to have you

I have to fear you, you fear to have me

You just about worry me, I worry about just you

Worry with you around is wrong, wrong is around you with worry

I completely hate your love, loving your hate completes me

You completely love your hate, hating your love completes you

I hate loving to judge you, you judge to love hating me

You love hating to judge me, I judge to hate loving you

Now try to judge me


October 23, 2000.
Voices, another night we meet here again. I know I can always count on you to be there when I arrive. Voices, so set me off, make me feel alive, voices, pull all my emotions out, break them all up into pieces, put together my invincible species, voices, give me all that you got, voices, I'll give you all that I got, a lot, let's square off, I have nothing to lose, four ways I can corner you, it's your choice so choose, voices, so you say you think I won't follow through, and that you say you want to fight back two on two, I know I can always count on you not to give up, to live up, to my expectations, my negative revelations, my negative self-medication of self-mutilation, so go ahead, set me off, I'll go for broke, break it all up, because broken emotions is all I’ve got, voices, we're all trapped in this box, voices, forms the crowd of us, voices, another time we meet here again, somehow this voice sticks out of millions, my voice, for years of every second, voices, sixty frames of hatred, you better go before I build up a minute, this moment, I seem to hold it sacred, pictures I've painted black, voices, built from sadness, I'll title my portrait the infinite madness, voices, your irony feeds my laughter, your life's is a joke, and I know the punch line after, I'm now laughing out loud, lay the box out for display, just another day, in the life of my war face, so look me in the eyes and show me your voices, you ain't shit. you're just another disease, you feel it's free to breathe when you’re taking from another life in need, It’s your f**kin greed, in my head you try to plant your seed, well you better believe, that my soil does not feed, your fungus and your weeds, because I have strong roots, your confusion is understanding I take true, the day you become real, you will realize I could never be you, a delusion of one mind, I have you all defined, with one name, face to face, I see right through your game, Sane if only you could bring me there, or would you just bring me to a lifeless stare? Why don't you trade your minds and put a good one to use, maybe you'd see yourself from my point of view, voices, see me, the human anomaly, driven to intervene, I'm the multi-colored figurine, walking through the black and white re-run that is your world, black and white re-run men, women, boys, and girls, listed in the credits, neglecting my presence, because your images have to change color to own individuality, nobody has one personality, just a memory of casualties left behind, broken pieces of time and past lives, your lives are destroying your own, we're all in this together, together I am alone, as I spend my time in hiding, through mathematics and dividing, looking back I can’t help my crying, because your reality is dying, and I’m becoming alive.


Your presence is a bore, to you it’s a chore, haven’t we met someplace before? Hey there Mr. Hardguy, male replica, always flexing your muscles as you try to look nonchalant about it when you’re wearing your tank top in front of the young ladies, your hardguy babies, yeah, you’re so hard, pounding your brewskies pretending to lose count, not to be accountable for your actions, not even a small fraction, because you’re drunk and you’ve got baggage, so where you going on vacation? It seems you always have a hard destination, yeah, I know all about you, you’re so hard, the way you size up a new body when it enters the crowd, comparing it to your hard exterior, weak interior, you don’t care though because you live a hard life with your self- indulgent strife, you’re so hard, grabbing your c**k every two seconds when you indulge in conversation, it’s your hardguy occupation, to check if your mind is still there, through your hardguy after school wear, you spend hours in front of the mirror perfecting your hard stare, so everyone better beware, as you declare, your throne, who the f**k do you think you own? We own you, because you have a silent fear of being rejected, accepted, corrected, reflected, inspected, you always compete, carrying yourself like you’re part of the elite, yet you dive into a conversation with cold feet, trying to find a way to drive from the back seat, yeah, so why don’t you tell us all another sob story, that drove you to your hardguy glory, please??? Oh how I love to hear the first and only one deviated for the millionth time, it’s such a hard crime, when you try to steal soft words of encouragement… but they feel so bad…the sympathetic lips that are wrapped around your d**k, it’s ok though because you’re hard, you don’t take no s**t, you just feed it through the empty brain of an intimidated c**t, I know your game, I know your name, you’re hard, it’s ok though because you were dealt those cards, to discard a brain, you take your game, in vain, when you introduce yourself with your same old name, you should just change, it to hard, tattoo it on your face, so when you go someplace, everyone will know not to f**k with you because you’re hard man, they’d be a fool to stare you down, because you’ll drop them to the ground, and give your boys a pound, TKO 10 seconds in the first round…because you’re hard, Mr. Tanktop Superstar, driving in your car, I hear your hard music from afar, bob your head thrust your hips, as you clench your fists, you’ll earn your keep, just don’t f**k with me, and my half slit wrists, Ohhhhhh but you’re such a pessimist, clouded, surrounded, with your hard life’s fog and mist, I’ll rain on your parade of pessimistic nature, so here’s a wager, I’ll help pull you out of your hardguy crater, I’ll gauge out your eyes with my fingers then eat them with a bag, of potato chips and a tab, s**t them out lay you down to bed, then put them back in your head, to give you a genuine sh**ty outlook on life, make you regret that you’re a hard product of your hard father’s wife, come my way and you’ll lose if you try to defuse, I wasn’t a liar, when I told you I’d explode if you cut the wrong wire, I’ll light up my rage and set your world on fire, force you to retire, your hardness will expire, I can safely say, You’re fired!! Because I’m your supervisor, I’m the one who does the paying…attention.

S**t Party

Yeah I like a good s**t party. I hope they have cheese curls and grape soda!!! Oh I hope they have board games there too. I love to play them. Hopefully there will be lots of girls there. Manipulative young ladies, Ahhhhhhhh, how can I forget those ladies, now should I regret those ladies, and their shady- ness, with your beautiful finesse, oh I wanna caress, the empty space of your loneliness, the lady and her secrets, time to get ready for the social event!!! Have all your invitations been sent?? Oh yeah, you hope he comes and brings his friends scum, Oh but you’re so excited, your lady friends are delighted, your expectations you have recited, over and over and over again, to your enthusiastic lady friends, well put on your weekend’s best!!! An outfit that pushes out your chest, and reveals a small portion of your breasts, but don’t dress, too revealing, you want to look like you own real feelings, because you’re the sophisticated, monogamous, lady with the with the morals and values of Marcia Brady, with your lovely hair… Oh I want to smell it for hours until my sense of smell devours, Oh I’m such a coward, when it comes to you my young lady, come into you my young lady, what I would do for you my young lady, I want you to have my baby, because you’re such a lady, I must be crazy!!! Only for you my young lady. Please save me, enslave me, shape me, rape me, take me, make me worthy of your femininity, your credibility, you’re so feminine, the way you cover up your blemishes, disguising your face, with that mask in your compact make up case, making sure to fill up the ugly space, of the expression on your face, because you know you’re a disgrace, a participant in the feminine rat race, but it’s ok, because your feminine. The party starts in a half hour!!!!! So put on your final touches, before the party rushes, in. Oh you hope he shows, as your confidence grows, you look so beautiful in your disguise, as you gaze into your own eyes, staring into your companion for life or should I say lives, you see the image of the images of lies, because you have already covered up the cries, and the circles of time under your eyes, from all the hours you spend at night thinking of the words I say, wondering how you can face the new day, It’s Ok… because you’re feminine. I know the truth hurts your positive self esteem’s growth spurts, that’s why I explain it well, and that’s why you’ll try to find your right to speak, to ease your bad dreams, the dreams that split the warmth you surround yourself with at the seams, you’ll try to release me, as you subconsciously increase me, the growth of your confidence in yourself now experiences a drought, Ahhhhh because once I’m in your head you can’t get me out, I’m there every time you feel a shred of doubt, that’s what these words are all about, they’re kind of like that loud noise that interrupts your beauty sleep, the growing beep, as I creep, up to a leap, in your face as your alarm clock set to your appropriate time, Awwwwwwww, you wake up hours early, so you can surely, beat the bathroom traffic, so you can always look so fantastic, HaHaHa, drastic, mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most feminine one of all??? You are. A,HaHa, Oh no, you are. Awwwww you work so hard, you deserve a raise, in my business of feminine praise, I’ll pay, I’ll pay you more attention, give you the number of your new extension, 666. Give you a taste of what it's like to be human waste, you deserve your own malaise, because you’re so feminine. But I still love you. Fifteen minutes!!! You better finish getting ready soon, the party starts at the rise of the moon, is your breath in tune??? You’d hate to ruin those intimate moments, so you check all your components, how clean is your nose?? Is there s**t between your toes?? My vomit maybe, because you know how I worship the ground you walk on, as I talk on, with a finger down my throat, can you swim? Or by the time I’m done, will you need a boat? I need a gun, to my head, because you’re so feminine, please feed me your hypnotic poison medicine, make me believe, you cannot deceive, give me hope in your tree, set me a goal or fruit to retrieve, Ms. Young lady Eve, Ms. Wanna be prom queen, I wanna destroy your religious philosophies, make you believe in me, Ms. Elementary Catholic school tease, Ms. Mentally Transmitted disease, Please!!!! Come and talk to me. I’m shy so you know I won’t make the first move, I have nothing to prove, to you, except me. Because you’re so feminine, you’re such a catch, where else could I find someone like you??? Everywhere, anywhere, driving down a road to nowhere. Hitchhike?? I’d rather sit and stare, eventually I’ll get somewhere.

The Shallow Chronicles

What’s up music guy? Nothin what’s up sl**ty female? Nothin much, so how’s your band goin? It’s like we’re brothers you know bra? We’re like real tight and s**t, and like nothing could separate us. I mean its like we all share the same creative vision to just create this art masterpiece that is my pain, our pain, but mostly mine because I’m like the singer/leader you know? Wow that’s sooooo cool. I wish I had a strong connection like that with someone, I mean like I feel lots of pain too you know but like I just don’t know how to like let it out and express it like the way you do. Yeah, it’s just like, you know, I think of my music as like a reflection of my emotions and my personality. It’s like, you know, there’s my reflection looking at me and it’s saying, I’m you bra, this is how you feel bra, And it like medicates my introspections on my disturbing nature of my personality, you know bra? Whoa, that’s sooo cool, and like seriously that’s how you feel??? Totally bra!! But you know it’s also kind of like you know for example sometimes I say to my reflection, hold up!!! Hey bra, you’re wrong, you’re destroying me. Wow, I never thought of it that way before. So what’s the name of your band again? Man I’m so drunk. Me too bra, (hahahahahaha) The name of my band is disturbing troubled puddles of emotions that drown my thoughts as they sink to the bottom of the ocean of this world without an oxygen tank. Wow that’s deep. (So is my throat) Well, I’m a deep person bra. No way, you didn’t think of that! That’s so poetic. Yo, I swear on my mothers soul bra (rest in peace) It took me five years of emotional experience to search for that name within myself. Your mom’s dead? Oh my god I didn’t know, that’s horrible, I’m so sorry, are you ok?? Well, you know, I don’t talk about it a lot, but I guess you’re cool bra. Gimmie a second… Yeah, you know, it like changed me, I found myself and my spiritual influences, and like, I have a whole different approach on life now. I never take true love for granted you know, I just don’t want to be another, you know, testosterone driven walking h**d on. I have emotions, you know, and I wanna express that. And that’s what I got out of the whole thing. It like touched me. I wanna touch you. If you don’t mind, can I ask how she died? You don’t have to tell me if it brings you too much pain. Na, it’s cool bra, my life is pain. But yeah, she choked on a meatball sandwich. Oh my god that’s so tragic!!! Wow it sounds like you’ve been through a long emotional journey, oops my t**s are showing. Yeah, and it’s like the name of my band expresses the way I feel about my place in the zoo we call this world. It’s like, people cage me from my feelings and they give me food every now and then to satisfy my basic physical needs because they think that it satisfies my passion to be free and to be a free thinker. But I just play music so I can break out of the chains of life that hold me down. Wow, you’re so metaphysaphorical, I never met anybody like you before, It sounds like you know a lot about this world and you’re just real!!! Oh my god, I’m f*****ing my p***y right now. Well you know, I’ve been through a lot. A LOT!!! And that’s the reason why I got my tattoo. Oh my god you have a tattoo??? AHHHH I’m pretending my f****r is your d**k now. Yeah bra, It’s the chinese symbol for wisdom right on my shoulder, I mean, the reason I got chinese is because my mothers cousins nieces brothers former college roommate was chinese, and I feel like it expresses that side of me, My inner child. Your feminine side, AHHHH, I’m f***in f*******g my as***le. I mean you know bra, It’s like, my china expresses my inner v***na, that I’m not afraid to bring out because that’s what I’m all about. I’m deep and you’re just a creep. That’s a verse in one of my songs. What’s the title??? Oh my god that was so f***in cool!!! The song is called, don’t be jealous because I have cooler more meaningful tattoos than you that are not trendy because I’m an individual. Wow, I can totally relate to you, alright check this out right, it’s like when I’m with other guys and I’m f***in s***in their f***in c***s and then they refuse to go down on me and they just treat me like another s**t, I’m just like, f**k you ok, you’re a f***in jerk alright, I’m a f***in individual alright. Fuck this, I’m just not gonna f***in swallow now. Yeah that’s what I’m sayin bra!!! Refuse their food, break out of the zoo, don’t be controlled!!! Oh my god I feel like you just totally touched my soul. You wanna touch the cottage cheese venereal disease on my p***y???? Yeah, you know bra, It’s like we’re the same person, I can relate to you in so many ways, hey maybe you should start a band like me, Maybe it will help you deal with your issues bra. AHHHHH, let’s f**k!!!! That’s cool bra, I’ll have sex with you even though we’ve only known each other for like 20 minutes. I feel like you’re my soul mate, no one has ever touched me the way you just have. I mean I feel like I can talk to you about anything, and it’s rare for people to touch me on that level of deep emotion like you just have. I mean do you feel the same way?? Yeah totally, just f***in s***k it in me already!!! Alright here I go, AHHH, I think I love you. AHHHHH your c**k feels so f***in good!!! Let’s get married and have kids. OH YEAHHHHHH!!!

Lady Vulture

The culture of the lady vulture… You rape, you sneak, you creep, you lie, you cheat, you steal, you don’t have the ability to feel, you’d sell your soul to get half a piece, of your orgasmic release, you’re the lowest form of life, you’d backstab you’d betray a married man, for a one night stand, with his wife, you’re a product of greed and lust, in the act of competition you’d lie to your brother, about killing your mother, just, to maintain, his trust, to restrain, his lust, after your golden prize, an intoxicated naïve female victim with innocence in her eyes, only to witness and experience your lies, when she cries, when you’re pulling up your pants and saying your goodbyes, when you say, “ Sorry baby, I just need a love that satisfies.” Using the word love thinking you’re relating, to people like me who really do know what that word means, love to you is the act of masturbating, to the pre-teens, and your dirty magazines, you’re a coward you’re pathetic lying to get laid, in war when your opponents make you afraid, your fair fight or trade, is wearing a bulletproof vest and standing behind your closest friends, that you’ve betrayed, a line of pathetic losers that never ends, you degrade, you only hang around your own kind, 10 of you put together equals 1 simple mind, without a soul, 1 motive, 1 lifetime goal, being a hardcore sex machine, working your 1 daily get sex routine, exercise, stay fit, eat 3 meals a day, organize, take a s**t, waste your life away, work, get paid, use your money to get her drunk so you can get laid, Awwwwww…don’t cry…it’s ok!!! You need, people like me, to constantly reassure, you that you’re insecure, you use cockiness, disguised as confidence, as the lure, give me more, give me more, f**k your wh***s, f**k your wh***s, go ahead tell me again how you’ve had sex with her before, and her even more, Mr. Macho F**k oh my god you’re my hero you’re so hardcore, you’re such a rockstar on the I f**k mega chicks tour, well I just smile nod my head and make sure, that I appropriately wash my hand after I shake yours…triple anti-biotic soap f**ker can’t you see? For you are what I aspire not to be, I hope to you that this poem will serve as a form of therapy, that will help you come to the self-realization of who you really are, to kill your imagination of believing that you have come so far, in your life, dead end path your existence rots and decays, the truth is when you’re alone you’re crying, because you know inside you’re dying, in a million different ways.

October 17, 2000

October 17, 2000.
I have this fantasy day to day that is the source of my strength and my will to go on, I wanna reach a point of popularity where they can’t get rid of me, they’ll hear about me, read about me, see me on TV, and they’ll hear me on the radio, guess with their friends about how much money I make, Then I’ll take it all right to their front door, with my album in one hand, and a gun in the other hand, pointed at my head, then I’ll give them everything that I have… say,"Thanks for the inspiration." Before I paint their kitchen window with my brains… Blown away…blown away, by the thought of fame…I wanna use fame against them, I wanna hold fame against them, I want…I want fame…I want…I want them to remember my name.

Suicide Countdown

October 22, 2000.
It’s been five days and I still haven’t slept, contemplating the end. You know it seems funny sometimes how frames of mind pass through the time, It seems funny sometimes how frames of time don’t escape your mind, true self forever chased, by the fear of self that has never been faced, October 22, 2000. It’s been five days and I still haven’t slept, contemplating the end
October 22, 2000.
It’s been five years and I still haven’t slept, contemplating the end. You know it seems funny sometimes how frames of mind pass through the time, It seems funny sometimes how frames of time don’t escape your mind, true self forever chased, by the fear of self that has never been faced, October 22, 2000. It’s been five years and I still haven’t slept, contemplating the end, I just want it to end, I just want it to end, I’m gonna make it end, I’m gonna make it end.


They can only grasp what they hear then conceive, subliminal is my identity, physically, mentally, imaginary, they call me something, epithet, friction, electricity, I am nothing, I’m a combination of lost words creating another burst of thought that I think they might have lost, well I don’t have to watch to know how it ends, I just sit in the back row and write the sequel again and again my friend, so when the lights go on and that credits roll up, when all is done and the end has begun, I vanish into thin air, I’m nothing and nowhere, remember, impalpable.